Whenever we watch a film where the protagonist overcomes major obstacles, we celebrate. We feel inspired in our own lives even though what we watched is likely unrelated to us personally. It sparks the idea or feeling in us that anything is possible.

And this optimistic feeling may linger for days. You may pause and reflect on your own life and think, maybe I can change too. Maybe I can achieve that thing I’ve wanted for so long—just like many people started running and working out after watching “Rocky.” This character made such an impact on our collective psyche that a statue of him sits in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art in Pennsylvania.

But then, lo and behold, life with its usual obstacles derails you. That inner critic turns up the volume saying, “Forget it. Ain’t gonna happen. You’re crazy! Why bother? Remember that you’re tired,” and, that ubiquitous door shutter, “you don’t have time.”  And the hopeful, nurturing inner voice that says, “you’re meant for something greater, life can have more meaning, get off the couch, stop scrolling and start living in the real world, reconnect with the people who matter to you, there’s no time like the present, carpe diem,” gets fainter and fainter until you watch the next motivational film, meet an inspiring person, or read a book that gives you pause once again.

Why is it like this? Why do we know intellectually that we want more but remain immobilized? Why do we self-sabotage? Why do we settle for less when we know the possibilities exist for a better life?

The answers are complex and deeply personal. For instance, in my 20s I went through a emotionally abusive five-year relationship that ended in divorce. I felt trapped and overwhelmed. Without realizing it, I’d lost sight of the vision for my life. And I was only 25.

One sunny morning while standing on the platform waiting for the Brooklyn subway I rode to work, I had the desperate thought of falling in front of the train as it pulled into the station. I’d never had a thought like this before in my life. Thankfully, I didn’t act on this impulse and, once on board the train, another internal voice spoke to me, explaining that I was the only person in charge of my life and its circumstances.

If I wanted something better, only I could make it happen. There was no rescue party. I needed to leave that marriage on my own. And this voice, though faint, spoke an undeniable truth. Energetically, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and knew to my core that I would find a way out. On a deep level, I realized that I too deserved love and happiness.

Slowly, with the help of family, friends and co-workers, I worked to rebuild my life. I got divorced and moved back home with my parents until I could save money for my own place. I went to therapy and read self-help books. I enrolled in programs that motivated me to change my thoughts and habits. I stopped seeing myself as a victim. I created a new narrative. And today, I truly feel like that was someone else’s life.

Do I regret the years I wasted in that relationship? Sure, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today without that experience. The point is to take your own experiences and learn from them, rather than live in a state of regret and rumination.

By continually working on myself, I learned to appreciate the value of being in a healthy, loving relationship with a partner who loves and accepts me for who I am. I learned to love all aspects of myself, even the part that sometimes makes bad choices. When I look back on that experience, I realize that I gained a great deal of insight into what I did and didn’t want in life. I never repeated that type of relationship. I held onto the belief that I could live a happy, joyful life and took the steps to make it happen.

And you can too. With a clear vision of what you want, you can shape your life in new directions. You can stop living in a loop of regret and forge a path forward. What story are you telling yourself that holds you back? Are you aware of how your thoughts and beliefs control you? Do your behaviors align with your life vision?

Becoming aware of your narrative is essential to understanding your place in the world. If you’re willing to be honest, you can make the necessary changes that ultimately lead to transforming your life.

I believe we can all improve our circumstances by reconnecting to what matters to us. Not what social media says we should want. Let’s cut through the noise and work together on your aspirations. You don’t have to go through hardships to improve the quality of your life. Instead, you can create transformation from an inspired place that resonates with what you’ve always wanted for yourself. Contact me today to start living the life you were meant to live.